Words hold power. How we choose to use our words matters immensely, particularly when discussing serious topics. 

When it comes to talking about sexual assault, or speaking directly to a survivor, we have to be mindful of the words we choose. That’s where the term “mind your language” comes in. In the past, rape and sexual assault have been discussed with emphasis and blame being put on the person who was attacked:

• “She was asking for it”

• “Did you see what she was wearing?”

• “She’s a victim of rape/She was raped” 

As women’s rights have struggled forward, we’re realizing how important it is to use language that stops blaming the survivor. Notice that I used the word “survivor” here instead of “victim” – that’s because using the term “survivor” is a more empowering way to describe someone who survived a horrendous assault. “Minding your language” is all about empowering survivors and acknowledging that words can make an impact when speaking with someone who is struggling.

Avoid using the passive voice. Let’s look at the phrase “She was raped” or, if using the first-person, “I was raped.” 

“I” is the subject, and “raped” is the verb. But rape doesn’t just happen, and it’s not the subject’s action that causes it. It is a violent act committed by another person. So what if we switched up our language when we’re discussing these experiences, especially personal ones? 

“Someone raped me” – now that structure places the blame in the right place, on the other person. It’s the opposite of passive voice: active voice. 

The language we use shapes the world around us, and impacts the people we speak with. Let’s make sure we’re holding the right people accountable, and lead with kindness in our conversations. 

If you’re interested in diving more deeply into learning more about “minding your language”, the NWG Network offers several training webinars surrounding topics on exploitation and trafficking, including one called “Mind Your Language.” The NWG Network is a charitable organization formed of thousands of practitioners who share information about child exploitation and trafficking within the UK. 

Sharing our stories of survival and “thrival” with each other is a loving gift of support to all of us who walk this difficult path. If you feel comfortable doing, please share your story.

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